Helpful Mom

In case you don’t know this already.  It’s important to be very clear in what you expect from your husband to do with the kids.  Guys aren’t mind readers so if you don’t tell him that the kids need to eat by 6 he may not know that until the kids have melted down.  When the girls were younger and had changing schedules I’d write it out for him or anyone else who may be watching them.  That way they know exactly when they are supposed to be eating and sleeping.  And if there are any special rules or issues going on that day you need to make sure you have communicated this to him in a way that you know he’s heard you and understands.

And sometimes you may need to give them idea of what to DO with them.  Pull out something fun and get them started, once they are into it it’s much easier to slip out unnoticed.

Also by showing your husband respect you are setting an example to your children too.  And respecting your husband is the greatest way to show him you love him.

One of the hardest things to do sometimes is let our husbands take care of our kids.  Why do we do this?  They are parents too.  They may not do things like we would but that doesn’t make what they are doing wrong, just different.  It’s important for your relationship with your husband to not undermine him by constantly correcting him for how he’s doing things or eventually he’ll throw his arms up and quit and you’ll be stuck with ALL the work.  It’s important to recognize that he’s trying to help and give you a break and you need to praise him for the effort.  In some ways it’s like how we praise our kids for picking up the toys even after we told them three times to do it.  It’s important to praise them for doing it and they’ll be more likely to be willing to help next time.

Now if he is doing something that breaks the rules, don’t correct him in front of the kids.  Either pull him aside or talk to him later when the kids aren’t around to discuss it.  To correct him in front of the kids undermines his authority and demeans him.  And it will keep you from fighting in front of your children.  But if he’s doing something that you feel is actually dangerous I would bring that to his attention immediately, but in a calm manner not confrontationally.

It’s important that you let your husband be a father for a few reasons.  Obviously because he is the father, not a babysitter.  But also so he knows how to care for them so you can get a break once in a while, whether it’s to take a bath, clean the house, go out with the girls, or run some errands.  If you know he is capable of caring for them you can go out and not stress about what’s happening at home.  He knows the routines and rituals, their likes and dislikes.  Not as well as you but enough to avoid major catastrophes.  And because it helps them build their own bonds and rituals with the kids.  Joel likes to take the girls disc golfing at the park which I like because I get a couple hours at home to rest or get those set aside projects done.   Also it helps your kids be more balanced.  If you are the only person who ever takes care of them then it can be very difficult to leave them with anyone else either.  But if you regularly practice leaving them with dad and do it confidently it will be much easier to leave them in Sunday school, preschool, grandma’s, or a friends when dad’s not available or you decide to take a weekend away together.

It’s not always an easy thing to do, and will take practice on both parts.  But it’s good for you, your marriage, and your kids.

Well it’s been two days since the potty party and I think it’s been fairly successful.  Mikayla does not want to get back into diapers at all and she no longer says she’s a baby.  She understands what is expected of her and wants to do it.  I think what the problem she’s having is being able to consistently identify that feeling that tells her she has to go.  Yesterday morning Joel got the girls up and by the time I came down she’d already had two accidents.  By noon Joel was saying we should go back to diapers whenever we left the house!  I say we have to give her a few days at least before we throw in the towel.  She’s willing and understands so she just needs practice.  Well that afternoon she was playing and all of a sudden gives me this look and says I have to pee!  And she did in the potty.  Yeah!  And since then she’s been doing fairly well, I’d say it’s 50/50 right now.  I remember with Katrina that it wasn’t till two weeks after the party that I officially called it a success so I’m praying it will about the same for Mikayla.

It’s not all roses though because it’s a party concept it involves presents and treats.  So now Mikayla is present crazy and her sister wants gifts and treats too so I have to be creative in being fair.  Instead of giving Mikayla her finale gift, since it is a tub of dinosaurs, I wrapped them each individually and told her that for each time she successfully makes it to the potty and goes she will receive a gift.  I let Katrina open it for her because Mikayla can’t rip through the paper herself and they can share as the set grows.  And for trying to go or practicing when she’s had an accident they each get one skittles candy.  My hope is that by the time Mikayla earns all her dinosaurs she will have mastered potty training.

Some of my favorite products to use during potty training are the piddle pad, which is a waterproof liner for your car seat so if they have an accident you don’t have to tear your car seat apart to wash it. $8 on Amazon A waterproof picnic blanket to put on your couch or other such furniture while your little one is learning.  That way they can sit and cuddle without you stressing out over if they are going to ruin the couch.  $9.99 on Amazon And our absolute favorite is the travel potty by cool gear.  It’s on Amazon for $21 It folds up like a briefcase with a handle for the kids to carry it around.  When it unfolds it has two legs that also serve as pockets to store changes of clothes, pullups, treats, stickers, and extra plastic bags.  They use gallon sized Ziploc bags that you throw away after use.  I love this product because it’s so portable and if you saw it folded up you would have no idea I was carrying a toilet and it’s so convenient.  I can pull off the road anywhere and the girls can use it right inside the van.  I take it to the playground and parks, you know how that is lots of parks have no bathrooms or it’s too far away for your kid to make it, or if your kids are like mine they are afraid of full size toilet seats.  We use it so much we finally bought a second one for my husbands car for when he takes them disc golfing, that way wherever they are on the course the girls can go without panic and I don’t end up without mine ;P

This weeks big event was the potty training of my 2 ½ yr old. She is going to preschool this fall and has to be potty trained, or at least started. So I knew the day was coming…A friend recommended the book Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day by Teri Crane. We were skeptical when we tried it with our older daughter last year, but after trying it and giving it two weeks we were sold. It totally works! So the last two weeks I’ve been rereading the book (cramming you might say) and gathering my supplies for our “Potty Party”.

Today was the day. And it was a long day. I got up early to get dressed and get Katrina ready to go with Grandma for the day. Then bracing myself I got Mikayla up. She was so excited about her potty party. We spent the morning teaching her new doll how to use the potty, that way she’s learning by teaching and all correction goes towards the doll not the child. Throughout the morning we also watched various potty videos and ready potty books and played games, etc. After lunchtime I gave her big girl panties wrapped up. We threw out her diapers and dressed her in her panties. And we spent the rest of the afternoon watching more videos, reading more books, and practicing going potty over and over and over til it was naptime and a break for mom. I have to say it wasn’t perfect but she is definitely getting it. Before the party when we’d talk about the idea she’d insist that she was a baby not a big girl. But when I told her she could have the dolls treat if she promised to use the potty when she became a big girl she immediately declared she is a big girl. She even wanted to practice using the potty when the doll did. And once she got her panties she threw a fit when she realized that I wanted her to wear pullups for naps and bedtime. We compromised she wore pullups with panties on top. The first time she had an accident it was a total loss, but the second time she realized what was happening, stopped and ran and finished on the potty! Thank God for small victories. It gives me hope that a potty party may actually work as well for the second kid as the first!