Helpful Mom

Life has had it’s share of unexpected health problems and surgeries.  You never know when bed rest, pregnancy complications, car accidents, or sickness will crop up.  But one way to easy these issues is to have a plan of action prepared just in case.  Personally I’ve gone through all of these things and can tell you will live to tell the tales, but the best way to successfully make through is to accept help.  In some cases you will have to ask for help.  I know this is not easy for most moms to do, we want to be seen as capable of doing it all.  But when you are recovering it is more important that you take the time to heal properly than look like you have it all together.  So with that said here are a few coping skills.

After my back surgery I had two months that I was not allowed to lift, twist, bend, or pick anything up more than 5 lbs(including my 6 month old baby!), or sit up for more than 20 minutes at a time.  So we had to arrange for someone to come to the house each weekday from 8:30am-6pm.  For some of you this may be easier than for others but think of everyone you can, family, in laws, friends from work, church, old college buddies.  If everyone you know can give one day the job can be done.  In order to make it easier for all the different people coming in and out of the house each day I wrote up the girls daily schedule so I didn’t have to do lots of explaining each day.  By having friends come to the house the girls were more comfortable with random people caring for them because I was still there, just other people were doing the work.    Also by having a daily schedule and sticking to it makes things smoother for your kids by keeping life familiar.

While you are laying in bed your house could be going to pot unless you can recruit some help here too.  To keep this simple I wrote up a list of the weekly cleaning chores listed by room and where the cleaning supplies could be found.  When you are on lots of pain meds the last thing you want to be doing is explaining what needs doing, how you want it done, and where everything is over and over again.  So by writing it up the questions can be kept to a minimum and makes it easier to ask for that help.  Most people who are willing to help take care of your kids will ask what else they can do to help, please let them help with cleaning, laundry, preparing dinner, or picking up some groceries on their way to your home.  Friends are willing to to help more than you think you just to be willing to ask, you’ll be surprised.  And you might even fun since you get a whole day to reconnect with  friends.

If you know that bed rest or surgery may be possible, or impending get prepared.  Set up your regular bills to be automatically paid online.  Freeze lots of meals that you or your husband can thaw and reheat.  Get caught up on your laundry.  Record lots of movies, or borrow them from friends, or the library.  Stock up on groceries staples so you’ll only need the basics like milk and fresh fruit to be picked up periodically.  Get out those magazines that have been piling up, and those books you never get a chance to read and enjoy.

The other thing I have done is during those time periods is still try and connect with my girls even though I couldn’t physically care for them.  When I felt up to it sit up and read with them.  Or lay on the floor and play with them.  Feed them their food.  And most important in our home, just lie there and cuddle with them.

PS I kept the list of household cleaning so I didn’t have to rewrite it out for each episode that required helping hands.

PPS A huge thanks again to all those special people who have helped our family out over the last number of years