Helpful Mom

In case you don’t know this already.  It’s important to be very clear in what you expect from your husband to do with the kids.  Guys aren’t mind readers so if you don’t tell him that the kids need to eat by 6 he may not know that until the kids have melted down.  When the girls were younger and had changing schedules I’d write it out for him or anyone else who may be watching them.  That way they know exactly when they are supposed to be eating and sleeping.  And if there are any special rules or issues going on that day you need to make sure you have communicated this to him in a way that you know he’s heard you and understands.

And sometimes you may need to give them idea of what to DO with them.  Pull out something fun and get them started, once they are into it it’s much easier to slip out unnoticed.

Also by showing your husband respect you are setting an example to your children too.  And respecting your husband is the greatest way to show him you love him.

One of the hardest things to do sometimes is let our husbands take care of our kids.  Why do we do this?  They are parents too.  They may not do things like we would but that doesn’t make what they are doing wrong, just different.  It’s important for your relationship with your husband to not undermine him by constantly correcting him for how he’s doing things or eventually he’ll throw his arms up and quit and you’ll be stuck with ALL the work.  It’s important to recognize that he’s trying to help and give you a break and you need to praise him for the effort.  In some ways it’s like how we praise our kids for picking up the toys even after we told them three times to do it.  It’s important to praise them for doing it and they’ll be more likely to be willing to help next time.

Now if he is doing something that breaks the rules, don’t correct him in front of the kids.  Either pull him aside or talk to him later when the kids aren’t around to discuss it.  To correct him in front of the kids undermines his authority and demeans him.  And it will keep you from fighting in front of your children.  But if he’s doing something that you feel is actually dangerous I would bring that to his attention immediately, but in a calm manner not confrontationally.

It’s important that you let your husband be a father for a few reasons.  Obviously because he is the father, not a babysitter.  But also so he knows how to care for them so you can get a break once in a while, whether it’s to take a bath, clean the house, go out with the girls, or run some errands.  If you know he is capable of caring for them you can go out and not stress about what’s happening at home.  He knows the routines and rituals, their likes and dislikes.  Not as well as you but enough to avoid major catastrophes.  And because it helps them build their own bonds and rituals with the kids.  Joel likes to take the girls disc golfing at the park which I like because I get a couple hours at home to rest or get those set aside projects done.   Also it helps your kids be more balanced.  If you are the only person who ever takes care of them then it can be very difficult to leave them with anyone else either.  But if you regularly practice leaving them with dad and do it confidently it will be much easier to leave them in Sunday school, preschool, grandma’s, or a friends when dad’s not available or you decide to take a weekend away together.

It’s not always an easy thing to do, and will take practice on both parts.  But it’s good for you, your marriage, and your kids.

I got this idea from a book and the girls love it.  It’s quick, easy and cheap.  I took a large piece of cardboard and draw a rough map of all the things we like to go and do, such as church, library, grandma’s, children’s museum, zoo, farm, friends homes, etc.  The list can go on and on.  I put the Erie Canal through it where we go to feed the ducks, and the railroad tracks that run through town.  Nothing is to scale but they are sort of in the vicinity of where they are located so they can learn where things are located in relation to each other.  It’s totally customizable to your town and the places you like to visit.  I also put on the dentist, hair stylists, and Drs. they like to visit as well as stores and the post office.

Then you just lay it out, break out their hot wheels and let them at it.  If you forgot any place they think is special you can draw it on demand.  I pulled out out fisher price farm for the farm we like to visit and our safari animals for the zoo.  They’ve been playing with it for days, they both love it and it’s easy to store since it’s just a piece of cardboard.